Secrets of a Caker*

*Caker not baker as this advice refers to cakes. Advice for baking bread would be completely different.

People say you cannot beat a homemade cake.



Homemade Cupcakes

I agree. Homemade cakes can turn out less than perfect. Perhaps a little wonky, perhaps broken or crumbly after trying to get it out the tin and maybe even messy after an attempt at decorating (I speak from experience). But if it's made with TLC then it will be delicious, regardless of its appearance.

I agree with the statement in more ways than one though. You cannot BEAT a cake, no matter how much you may want to.  This is my first piece of cake baking advice. Beating a cake mixture is not only cruel to the poor batter but also to the hungry mouths. It will make your cake dry, heavy and dense. The gluten in the flour stretches and your batter will behave more like a dough. Never overmix. Treat the batter with kindness, stroke it with the spoon, take your time as you fold it with gentleness and your love will not be unrequited.

From 'The Cake Feastlin'  Illustrated by Lorna McCabe

My second slice of advice is in the baking. The same level of TLC applies. Blasts of scorching hot air will kill your cake. You need a fairly low oven, not too hot and not for too long. The average fairy cake takes just ten minutes at 170/gas 3. A cupcake, around fifteen and a sandwich tin of batter, only 20 minutes. Of course this depends upon your oven.  As soon as the cake has risen and is springy, it is ready. It may still be very pale but the paler the better so long as it's cooked. A famous rule is not to open the door for at least ten minutes. If your cake is growing and the temperature suddenly changes, it will become deflated as it is not yet strong enough to handle the change. Be patient and have trust. Give your cake the nurture it needs to develop.

A final piece of advice is ingredients. If you want a good cake, use good stuff. The finest caster sugar, the best unsalted butter, full fat milk, organic eggs and flour that has been aired and sifted over a great height for extra lightness. (Yes, this makes them full fat but we all know what we're getting in to when we bake.) Scrimping on ingredients will not go unnoticed. After all, the proof of the cake is in the make and bake... or something along those lines.

Any other Caker secrets?!

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Cake poems

It was raining cake and biscuits

In the dream I had last night,

But I woke up disappointed

In the early morning light,

When I heard the gentle patters

Against my window pane,

And opened up the blinds to see

Just dreary, wet, old rain.

*

Of all the beauty in the world

From sea to sky above

There can be no beauty greater

Than chocolate, cake and love.

Moss-laden darkened forests

Iced mountains high above

Bring solace but not as comforting

As chocolate, cake and love.

Moon-shined indigo night skies

Star-sparkled droplets above

Are wondrous but no mightier

Than chocolate, cake and love.

Vast oceans crash upon the sand

With dazzles of sun above

It’s awesome but I’m more in awe

Of chocolate, cake and love.

I ponder Earth’s great achievements

Of Mother Nature up above

And a medal she deserves

For chocolate, cake and love.

Another Slice? Oh please let me eat Cake.

If it wasn’t seen as gluttonous, I would and could eat multiple slices of cake in one sitting. But I am perhaps an exception and most people I know wouldn’t ever consider this, no matter how much they enjoy the first slice. So here is the next slice of cake blog, a little while after the first, giving you all time to digest it and be truly ready to devour this portion.

 

The misguided Marjorie Dawes

‘We all like a bit of cake don’t we? I’m just one of those people who come home and all I want is a bit of cake’ says Marjorie Dawes, hypocritical leader of ‘Fat fighters’ in Lucas and Walliams’ Little Britain.  I unwillingly seem to have lots in common with her. Most of Marjorie’s views are comically disturbing but I can’t argue with her passion for cake. Despite being a fictional character, I can sympathise with the constant battle going through her. She attempts to talk about fattening foods, advising her ‘fatties’ of more healthy choices such as dust,  but her heart defeats her brain, allowing her to go off on a crazy cake rave at inappropriate times. Cake occupies her mind above all other things. Peculiarly, this makes me feel less alone in my helpless cake desire.

Marie Antoinette, Queen of France from 1774, is famed among other things, for one of the most famous cake quotes, which is now known to not have actually been said by her:

 The misquoted Marie Antoinette

Qu'ils mangent de la brioche or Let them eat cake.

It was originally thought she said this upon learning that the peasants had no bread. Brioche is a type of bread with the addition of eggs and butter to enrich the dough (perhaps not cake at all). Having said this, she showed a lack of understanding of the poverty the peasants were facing. Cake was expensive, something for the upper classes only.

But we know Marie didn’t ever say this so why is it a famous cake quote? There is a real story behind it (check Wikipedia!) but I like to think it became well known purly because most people want to be allowed to eat cake. I, along with Ms Dawes, want someone to say to me daily ‘let her eat cake.’ I want to eat cake without my brain telling me off, advising me on the calorific content and tutting me when I give in to my heart’s wishes. I want guilt free cake. And by guilt free I don’t mean fat free. I want diet clubs to use ‘Let them eat cake’ as a slogan. Or maybe, even better, slice some of the words off so it just reads …

 

Eat Cake.

A slice of cake.

So next on the list is cake. There is so much to say on this subject so I have sliced it in to more suitable portions … well, thirds!

Cake seems to be a word that covers all types of puddings, desserts and tea-time treats but what really is cake? The word itself originates from an Old Norse word ‘kaka,’ but the real definition of cake is quite elusive. Different people define it in different ways, and different countries have different definitions.  In Italy, cake translates as ‘torta’ but in Britain we would consider ‘torta’ to be a tart which isn’t really cake at all.  In France, ‘gâteau’ means cake, but we have translated this as a sort of pudding layered cake with fresh cream and fruit rather than an actual cake.



Sweet and tasty, but not Cake.



Cheesecakes, teacakes, Eccles cakes, cream cakes and pancakes are all fakes in my opinion. As are muffins (English and American), pastries, tarts, and buns. On the other hand, I would put banana bread and gingerbread under a cake heading, despite their name.

So what is my cake definition? Really, I have decided this based on my own taste preferences because when I want a cake, bake a cake, or crave cake, it is a sponge I want. The soft, holey texture that crumbles down your top as you devour it. The  sticky sweet toppings or fillings, such as buttercream, jam, fondant, frosting, icing or marzipan, which adorn the plain sponge in a way that tempts you to simply eat the topping separately to the cake. Although you know the pure sugary sweetness would make you regret such a choice, cake needs toppings and fillings but the toppings and fillings need the cake too. They have achieved a successful, edible relationship.

A True Cake.

In my book, these are the real cakes. The Birthday cakes, Christmas cakes, Fairy-cakes, Sandwich cakes and Cup-cakes, all made with flour, butter, sugar, eggs, flavouring and leavening. These are the cakes I want daily. The cakes that send me to fat-fighting clubs. The cakes that made me want to bake. And, with one exception, (see my earlier post!) the cakes that I truly love.

Of all the beauty in the world,

From sea to sky above,

There can be no beauty greater,
Than chocolate, cake and love.

I'll begin with chocolate.



A common misconception, or perhaps lie I have followed, is that I adore chocolate cake.  I do love chocolate (well I love a certain glass and a half brand), and I do love cake but together they don't impress me. This is not to say that I'm not partial to the rich velvet of a chocolate mousse,  the smooth, slightly cloying filling of a chocolate tart or even the buttery crumble of a chocolate studded cookie, but an actual chocolate cake? No thank-you. Even if it's dressed up with a new name like 'Devil's food cake' or 'Fudge cake,' the cake never tastes like actual chocolate.

Of course, I would eat and thoroughly enjoy a slice if I was offered a piece. And I wouldn't ever say no. But that moment, in a restaurant or, better still, cafe/coffee shop, when you're presented with an array of huge frosted cakes or a menu of desserts, it wouldn't be the chocolate cake I'd choose. I wouldn't even read the description. My greedy eyes would skim over it, ignore it, write it off instantly from the choices and look instead to something vanilla-ry.

Chocolate, cake and love.
There is a comma on purpose.